Thursday, September 16, 2010

Police Reports

A few months ago our local newspaper started publishing the police reports. So far we haven't been the subject of any of these reports which makes it easier to find the humor in them. For example:

At 9:52 pm Monday, a woman reported seeing another woman throw her keys at a teenage girl.

At 2:17 pm Tuesday, a man reported seeing boys hiding behind a bush.

Many of the reports are serious and I agree with the callers for reporting the incidents, but really people. Maybe that teenage girl is learning to drive. Maybe those boys are playing hide 'n seek. Anyway we talk in police report style often throughout the day. When I see two children squabbling over a seat at the dinner table, I might say:

At 5:23 pm Wednesday, a woman reported hearing two children yelling about seat position at the dinner table.

We all chuckle and sometimes that's enough to end the squabble. Well, we have a new incident to report:

At 8:52 am Wednesday, a bear hunter reported having his sweaty workshirt eaten by a bear; only a small portion of the sleeve was left at the bait.

It's bear hunting season and Warren has been giving it his all to score a bear. Not having any luck in his first week of hunting, a buddy shared an idea that's worked for some guys up North. Leaving a sweaty workshirt at the bait over night supposedly scares bear away because they think a human is present. They get hungry without their nightly feast of craisins, crumbled cookies and week old movie popcorn. Then the hunter upon arrival to the stand is supposed to bag up the shirt and wait; without the sweaty workshirt odor the bear is supposed to think no one is there and hit the bait during the day. That's when... Kaboom! the bear becomes our dinner. Actually we make bear burger into jerky because all the kids love it and so do their friends. That's what is supposed to happen. But from the police report you can see what really happened. Warren put out the sweaty workshirt (a nice one, too) and upon arrival in the morning found it gone except for a small scrap hanging in a tree. The bait was gone, too. This incident really shoots the idea that the bear is more scared of you than you are of it.